Well, well, well. Welcome back everyone. We made it to the regular season. I took a hiatus over the summer and fall, but I am back in action to cover the NHL season. If I stop publishing before Lord Stanley’s Cup is hoisted once more, I give you permission to kick my ass.
Tomorrow night, the Wings take on the Canes. I see a 3-2 loss for the Winged Wheel. Jesper Fast was a silently good signing. Getting a solid two-way forward who can throw around the body and put up some decent points. Add him to a team with firecrackers like Warren Foegele and gamers like Jordan Staal and holy jumpin’, that’s dangerous.
The Wings got (way, way, way) better. After replacing Jimmy “The Sieve” Howard with Thomas Greiss gave Detroit a sliver of hope that maybe this tandem won’t get Cheveldaed midway down the stretch.
Larkin being named captain (even though we all knew he was the de facto leader of that team) gives the team a field general to rally the boys. Older teams may thrive when there are four alternate captains. Teams full of prima donna prospects and geriatric veterans flounder, as was shown with the Wings’ abomination of a season last year. Thank god the pandemic put that team down like the sickly dog it was. May it chase butterflies and harass cats in heaven.
The story of the Wings this season will be if Jeff Blashill can keep his job. We know the team will be shitty. That’s out of the question. But if Blash can make that team play somewhat better than winning an eighth of its games, he might be an OK bench boss for a continuing rebuild. Perhaps we can wait to throw him into the fire as a sacrifice to the hockey gods.
This season I will be implementing a “Games to Watch” system. For now, I will rank them with a gold, silver, and bronze jersey. Comment your suggestions on a more bespoken ranking system.
Tonight’s Gold Jersey goes to Edmonton vs. Vancouver. Hughes and the ‘Nucks have high expectations for this season but will play without J.T. Miller. Nate Schmidt and Braden Holtby make Vancouver one of the best teams in the NHL — if we traveled back to 2018. All kidding aside, Holtby will duel against Mikko Koskinen while hoping Connor McDavid and Leon Draisaitl can carry the team to another season of mediocrity. Did I mention the Oilers picked up Tyson Barrie?
Prediction: 5-2 Vancouver
The Silver Jersey goes to Toronto vs. Montreal. One of the many fiery rivalries of the North Division, this game will be everything you expect it to be: two overrated teams that will get stripped down by local sports media like a car at a chop shop. Toronto has veteran “mentorship” with Joe Thornton. Perhaps he can teach Auston Matthews how to grow facial hair that allows him within 100 feet of an elementary school. Ilya Mikheyev will be back after a nasty wrist laceration and wants to be more consistent for the Leafs. Bully for him. The Habs are so stacked, they successfully waived Corey Perry and lost Noah Juulsen (a beast in “NHL: Legacy Edition” I might add). Tyler Toffoli should replace Max Domi’s production, right? Right!?!
Prediction: 4-3 Toronto
Bronze Jersey goes to Colorado vs. St. Louis. Pennsylvanians stay mad, I ignored your shitty in-state rivalry tonight. But focusing on games that matter, Colorado looks sharp, potential Cup favorites sharp. Brandon Saad (one of my favorites) is a machine. He’s going to tear it up this season. Devon Toews should work out well on the blue line. Too bad they sold the future to get him. For the Blues, Jordan Binnington will earn his Wheaties this season. With Jay Bouwmeester retired and Alex Pietrangelo hitting the slot machines in Vegas, Torey Krug and Colton Parayko will have to be beasts to take the pressure off the netminder. Carl Gunnarsson and Justin Faulk are solid, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t see them producing well on D. Gunnarsson doesn’t add offense and has had two career seasons with a positive Corsi. Faulk has produced the at the worst rate of his career, an abysmal 0.08 goals created per game. Carolina may have fleeced St. Louis when they took Joel Edmundson off of their hands.
Prediction: 3-1 Colorado
Big Tex Goes to College 